Then something inside breaks and you'll be damned if you know what or that it even has happened. You become a monster, discarding family and friends like they are people you don't even know, you tear hearts asunder and rip a lover's soul to shreds. Only when it is too late to turn back, to beg forgiveness do you begin to have a glimmer of the devastation of what your selfish actions have wrought, and then the pain comes, the guilt and the self loathing.
It is too late for me to repair the pain and suffering I have brought down on those who love me. So now, it the early Autumn of my years I must try to start a fresh, is there hope for me and also that I may help heal and heal those I have wronged so terribly? I'd like to think so, and maybe that's the start that I need.....hope.
Depression is a black dog indeed, a real bitch when you start understanding the pain you have wrought, yeah funny bleedin life indeed.