Indeed the all too brief time in the lake district has given me a tiny bit of hope and some focus that I may one day be the man that a loved one sees in me and not the gutless and monstrous being I see reflected in every mirror that I happen to glance into.
So I have given myself a target, one at this time that seems a distant dream. It is to simply walk the length of striding edge on route to Helvellyn in the lake district.
It seems a distant dream because of several factors:- my weight, extreme lack of fitness, a profound fear of heights (well the falling and the landing bits) and my inability to follow anything through in the last few years with my own fears, self loathing and the black dog always dragging me back.
But if I can do this before the snow returns to the tops this year perhaps it will prove to myself that I am not as worthless as I think that I am. Only thing about this target that is Bear won't be able to accompany my as I feel it is far to dangerous for her, damn going to miss her company on this one.
Till the next time, take care of yourselves.