The extra bits...(Under construction).

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Target one.....

     Methinks the time away last weekend has indeed done this ol' pirate the world of good, I'd even go as far as to say that me timbers have been well and truly shivered! There is something truly special and soothing about walking in the wild places with Bear, it's difficult to put into words but suffice to say that it gives a troubled and tortured mind some solice and eases the darkness, helping me to look forward for brief moments instead of behind all of the time. It is made all the better for having the Bear as a companion with all her antics threatening to crack this permanently frowning face of mine with smiles and, dare I say, sometimes a chuckle.





      Indeed the all too brief time in the lake district has given me a tiny bit of hope and some focus that I may one day be the man that a loved one sees in me and not the gutless and monstrous being I see reflected in every mirror that I happen to glance into. 

      So I have given myself a target, one at this time that seems a distant dream. It is to simply walk the length of striding edge on route to Helvellyn in the lake district. 

Oh bugger.....
     It seems a distant dream because of several factors:- my weight, extreme lack of fitness, a profound fear of heights (well the falling and the landing bits) and my inability to follow anything through in the last few years with my own fears, self loathing and the black dog always dragging me back.

     But if I can do this before the snow returns to the tops this year perhaps it will prove to myself that I am not as worthless as I think that I am. Only thing about this target that is Bear won't be able to accompany my as I feel it is far to dangerous for her, damn going to miss her company on this one.

     Till the next time, take care of yourselves. 

John 




10 comments:

  1. Bear looks so happy in that photo!

    Perhaps more walks with her will get you back in the swing of increased fitness and prepare you for Helvellyn.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well that's the plan Megan, thanks for dropping by.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi John, what a gorgeous scenery you have there. Inspirational!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aha got there in the end Martijn. It's sometimes easy to forget how stunningly beautiful the wild hills are when they are on your doorstep.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is the route you plan to walk along the TOP of those peaks, not down along the bottom? What a good, good, good goal for yourself. Scary looking, to me, but challenging and exciting. I would love to do that.
    I made last year's goal for the whole year just to promise to myself to take better care of my own health - mental and physical. It is good to give yourself permission to focus on you, on your own health, because it makes you a better person for others who care about you. At least that's what I told myself. I LOVE that picture of the Bramble Bear - silly crazy dog. Love her. She's beautiful, and I can see in her eyes what a good soul she has.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep the top is the plan.....stupid but the plan.

      Delete
  6. Why don't you join a walking group John? You will meet new friends and get fit in the process. Good luck with your Helvellyn plans.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mmmmm thanks for the suggestion Dave it is truly appreciated but....I'm not a really people person, I much prefer walking on my own and the more isolated and less trodden the trail the happiest I be. Im rubbish at small talk and tend to be quite blunt with folk at times so methinks that the local walking groups would be happier without my grumpy company, also you get closer to mother nature this way.

      Delete
  7. Saw this quote and thought it may strike a chord for you John....Jen x
    “The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden.
    It doesn’t make you unlovable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.”
    — Daniell Koepke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jen, that's very kind of you.

      Delete

Feel free to comment but no blaspheming now...