The extra bits...(Under construction).

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Allotment ...... Post 2

     Just as I bloody well thought, my alloted allotment plot did indeed prove to be an overgrown bleeding mess of abandoned allotment detritus, skutch grass, rioting raspberries, a rotting rabbit carcass and rather large collection of unfortunately empty vodka bottles..... I love it. 

     After careful consideration and seconds of forward planning I have decided what I want to grow, how I'd like to grow it, the general layout of my Kingdom and roughly how to make a start.... all over a brew and piece of toast smothered in proper butter and honey, the toast that is not moi more's the pity!

     Firstly I asked myself what do I wish to receive from this overgrown bomb site and the simple answer was healing and cider. I don't want to be having to burst my balls for scant reward, cultivating masses of vegetables that I probably won't eat, I don't want to grow so many different types just to be able to say I grew this, this and that, especially as I'm going to have to learn how to grow each type from scratch. I want to grow what I know I'll eat and I want to grow it well. But I want to avoid chemicals and lesson my impact on nature.... do I want to much?

     So with these very broad, loose and probably changeable guide lines I have set forth and attacked the plot with some gusto incurring aching muscles, numerous nettle stings and a sun burnt back. I managed to strim about three quarters of the jungle before my strimmer twine came an end. This left me with a mound of strimmed jungle so after some minor piracy I managed to coble together a rough n ready compost bin out of three disintegrating pallets that I think had more than likely been discarded. 

     At the top of the plot (it's on a slope) amidst a un-breachable combination of raspberry canes gone native, rolls of wire fencing, the aforementioned bunny corpse, brambles giaganticaus and a host of sharp pointy things there appear to be two apple trees crying out for rescue. And as it happens these fit into my devious plans superbly for the next day a further six apple trees were planted by my good self, two golden delicious and four proper cider trees who's name escapes me at the moment.. tsk. After a bloody hard day and getting sun burnt I came back to my abode in the village to find my allotment tenant's agreement waiting for eighty nine, paragraph four, line four states that fruit trees shall not be planted without first consultation and then obtaintion of written permission from the allotments association... oh Bollocks! 

     Never  mind, further plans include the rescue of the two strangled apple trees, the installation of a shed and very small greenhouse, four to five raised beds and the implementation of plan "bring wildlife into the plot". So I bid you all welcome to allotment plot thickens you know.

Till next time take care all,





  1. When you plant your traditional wooden shed, it should be equipped with comfy chair, corkscrew/bottle opener, at least 4 proper glasses, and a saucy picture of Charlie Dimmock. Happy digging.

  2. I forgot to mention; you will also need a big box of slug pellets.

    1. So you've seen my shed plans for the slug pellets they're not in my plans as of yet.

    2. They probably should be. Slugs can wipe-out your entire plantings over night. Beware.

    3. I shall take your sage words under due consideration my good man.

    4. I think Charlie has long since had her day Cro...

  3. Sounds like you've got plenty to keep you occupied this year :-)

    We grow veg using no synthetic chemicals apart from slug pellets (tried the organic ones and they didn't work, cue loss of all our veg two summers ago and a very annoyed husband) but will get round to nematodes. The simplest way to get the wildlife in quickly is to sow some native plants (I'm going to do a post on this this week so will add a list) and leave a pile of sticks and branches in a heap somewhere out the way for insects, as well as a dustbin lid of water and some nettles/ mossy/ long grass areas :-) Would love to see some pics of your new pad in progress :-)

  4. Indeed I have masses planned to keep busy this year me dear the plot being a small part, stops reflections on my past. As for wildlife I really appreciate your tips and I have some ideas myself, not going to be a run of the mill plot methinks. I have pics from day one onwards just having trouble publishing them at the moment, damn these new fangled electric devices....

  5. Pictures John! I've just grafted 40 cider trees to go in next year for a little supply of cider. Good luck getting to the back of your plot! Own old allotment had a no tree planting rule and yet everyone still planted trees!

  6. Bloody hell I'm trying to post em but something always goes wrong! 40? for a little cider? you're a man after my own heart Kev.


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