The extra bits...(Under construction).

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Allotment ...... Post 5


      So the another post so soon? surely this rotund Hobbit has far too much time upon his hairy hands!

      Well, as hinted upon in yesterday's morning's coffee break posting, I have embellished my plot with a new compost bay which is sure to be the envy of plot holders across the site, nay the country, including the Italian mafia whom seem to own more plots than are surely healthy for just one family on the site and they always seem to be in perpetual conflict with one or more other allotmenters. I've had one brush with the elder son and leader elect of this bunch of carrot dealing Italians but more of that in a tad. Back to the reason that my stubby little fingers itched to write this post. 

     You may remember in my earlier enthusiasm that I hastily erected a compost bay at which my hairy chest puffed out (steady ladies)  with pride and a sense of achievement enveloped me......

     ...... Oh sad mis-guided fool that I was way back then in those long weeks gone by. Surely the smothered sniggering as t'other allotmenters detoured from their route to the wood chipping pile to cast furtive yet knowing glances at my hastily erected bay should have alerted me to the underlying current of derision my wonky rotten compost bay arose in them. But now with days of experience underpinning my efforts, and a logical, engineering head, I have produced what only can be described as composting sex! Just feast your eyes upon this hot little number..... 

      The frame is made from hardwood, yes you heard correctly, hardwood pallets squared off the within two millimetres and levelled to the same precision, oh yes not forgetting the double helix galvanised screws used to secure it Ooohh. To this galvanised mesh, I won't be belittling the bay by calling it chicken mesh, was carefully and securely attached with individuall and bespoke fencing staples, do I really need to mentioned that these too are galvanised? I think not. The voids, now formed by the delectable combination of galvanised mesh and hardwood pallets, were then filled with some oh sweet smelling hay which was kindly donated by Shaun, he who punches cows, Thackaberry. The purpose of which is to improve the insulation of the bay yet at the same time cleverly allowing a flow of fresh air to percolate through my composting love material which also has the additional benefit of being an attraction for numerous wee beasties. Like I said, pure composting filth....go on you know you want one!

      As for the rest of plot 2a? well some wildflowers are beginning to make an appearance with four different types so far brightening up the ground between the cider trees..... 


Buttercup....Original resident


Dandelion---original resident

      Admittedly the cowslips and bluebells are there only by my intervention but the buttercups and dandelions are locals now able the breath after my initial strimming. As well  as the wildflowers the two original cider trees have benefited from being released from the raspberry canes strangling hold and may just reward my efforts with enough fruit to produce 2a's first cider crop this autumn....

      Oh almost forgot as I was helping out on Caroline's plot next door I came across what I think is a hazel bush which has now been transplanted to my orchard, if you know for certain what this bush is please don't be behind the door and put me right.....

      There are also signs of wee beasties finding plot 2a a possible abode....

Birds yet to be observed..

A lady checks me out...

I've decided to call my feline observer..General Woundwort

     Future plans include a second compost bay, that is if I can stand any more ecstasy, raised beds, I've identified two crops, asparagus and strawberries, as must haves, the introduction of a wood pile/nettle corner, a worm farm, a small watering hole for beasties and of course a shed. 

      Oh and finally I suppose I should tell about my brush with the allotment mafioso. As I was sweating and cursing over my gorgeous compost bay I felt a dark presence looming over my shoulder, looking around I was confronted by the swarthy form of Aldo, mafioso leader elect. The conversation went something akin to this.......

Aldo... What you doing? 
Moi... Screwing.
Aldo... No no, about your weedy plot?
Moi... I thought it was quite strong myself. 
Aldo...(looking perplexed) Your weeds, when you kill them?
Moi... I'm not.
Aldo... You must spray them!
Moi... I must not (indignantly), anyway I have no weeds.
Aldo...(authority now oozing) I will spray them!
Moi... You can bugger off and see to your own allotment sunshine. 
Aldo... The seeds will spread. 
Moi.... Buy a hoe
Aldo...(becoming quite red) why you want weeds. 
Moi... I don't, I want wildflowers to attract beasties to then pollinate me cider trees. 
Aldo... Your weeds will blight my plots, I spray them.
Moi...(with warm fatherly smile) I have 10 gallons of Paraquat savy? spray my quarter plot I spray all your plots.
Aldo... (long and thoughtful pause, in which you could see the wheels turn) Will you tell your beasties to pollinate my plots too.....please?

Enough said. 

Where ever you are take good care, till next time. 



  1. Very funny conversation at the end- I think I would have strangled him, which probably wouldn't have helped the weed/ wildflower argument very much :-)

    Nicely constructed composty area :-)

    1. Thank you CT, mind you he would make great compost for the orchard.... Cider al a Italian?

  2. Nice cat. Nice compost thingy. Not so nice Italian mafia man. Yes, it looks like a hazel, but probably better to buy a pukka Kentish Cob, or Spanish Filbert; at least you'd get decent nuts.

    1. Nothing wrong with my nuts....Oh I see, shall bear your advice in mind Cro.
      General Woundwort and I have an uneasy truce at the moment, I allow him to do whatever takes his fancy...he leaves my limbs intact!

  3. Rather splendid photographs, John. I hate it when people use weedkiller on their vegetable plots. Fair play to you for keeping to organic principles and encouraging wildlife.

    1. Cheers Dave,
      Hopefully, with a lot more knowledge, I'll be able to stick to my principles.

  4. Lol, love the parting shot on the weed conversation :)
    Very impressed with your compost bin building skills and plans for your plot. I was given some packets of saved seeds at last week's bee class of plants that bees like. I have a couple of lots spare if you want them to scatter around your apple trees. If you e mail me an addy I will pop them in the post. lizmyler at

    1. That's very generous of you Liz, I'll email you my parents address if that's ok as I'm sort of between abodes at the moment. Afraid the Black dog may have been nipping without me knowing.

    2. No problem, they are here when you are ready :)

  5. That is one handsome compost bay, I wish it well on maiden voyage into composting. I gave up my allotment (guiltily) last year after failing to do anything useful, but had it for long enough to find out about all the wonderful and/or meddlesome fellow plot holders. Good luck protecting your patch from being sprayed!

    1. Thanks Laura, yes the other plot holders do want to know how many farts to the ounce!

  6. your plot will serve yo well.
    love the ladies.

  7. That is one very nice compost bin, nay mini castle. Hope you get some nice apples on your trees, blossom looks good anyway. It is difficult when other gardener's put their feelings across even though I know how they feel regarding seeds going everywhere. I would be horrified if someone sprayed my patch so hopefully, you won't find it has happened when you returned:)

    1. I always think it's best to set your stall out with strangers in situations like this... Everyone knows where they stand then...just have to be prepared to back words up so as they are not empty.
      Hopefully will get some cider this autumn.

  8. Hi, I'm glad to have found your blog as I'm always on the lookout for fellow allotmenteers and their trials and errors, I found you through Crafty cat corner as I'm stalking Briony (not really Briony just pulling your leg)

    I'm loving the compost bin, that's next on my list of allotment jobs.

  9. Hello and welcome Julee, I'm sure that you'll hear about plenty of errors from plot 2a me dear.


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