So where do I go from here? It is obvious to me that my ongoing struggle with the Black Dog is nowhere near as over as I had convinced myself and that there are dark times to be faced in the future. Do I turn ever further inwards, forsaking all others and stopping the potential to cause even further perceived pain to loved ones? Or do I open myself up and face all that comes head on, regardless of consequence? I feel truly lost and cut adrift at this moment and wonder which direction to take. All I do know that for the moment it is easier writing my thoughts here than expressing them in other ways.
There was one thing that stuck in my mind from the past few days and that is the title of this post... "The strength of silence". Now I've absolutely no idea where this idea came from, something expressed by the
shrinks, sorry doctors, something read or just a thought that lodged itself in my storm ridden mind but it is an idea that attracts me like a moth to the flame and one I wish to explore more. The basic premise, I'm thinking, behind this thought is that the more effort one puts into being silent the more one concentrates on a task and the hence the more aware of oneself and one's actions one becomes (to many one's?). For instance, the simple task of putting a brew down on a table..... instead of just completing the action you concentrate on putting it down as quietly as you possibly can so as to avoid the usual 'thud' of a vessel landing upon the table. This could be taken to a simple walk through woodland so that your concentration is firmly focused upon nothing else but trying to travel through without a noise so that the woods would just flow around you. It's not just about noise though, I'm trying to think of this 'silence' as the footprint that I leave in my wake, from the noise I make, to the detritus I make and to the emotions and pain I leave behind me. I'm not sure that this idea makes sense to to you but it is something I will try to expand upon as I look into it and try to practice it. One thing sitting quietly did provide was a sight of my first urban fox this year so perhaps there is something in it after all. I'm also pondering as to whether or not I should rename my blog after this idea?
The comments received upon my previous two posts were warming and welcome and although I failed to answer them some faith in human nature was restored and for for this I thank all of you who were kind enough to take the time, both in reading my thoughts and in offering your own.
Till the next time, take care.....