The extra bits...(Under construction).

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

     A heart felt thankyou to all who have taken the time to read my musings thus far. I wish you all a peaceful and contented New Year. Until the next time, fare thee well.

John

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Wishes.....

     Just wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.



     Until next year, take good care of yourselves, leave the past where it belongs and grasp the future with hope in your heart....

John


Thursday, 18 December 2014

Done n dusted...

     Well that's it, my stint at the not so 'Fun Factory' is at an end for this year and for the first time in many years I shall not be working overtime during the Christmas break. My mind has been dark and so bloody tired whilst my body has fallen into a state of being permanently knackered over the past few months, to be honest I have truly been at the end of my tether will little to spark an interest in the world around me. When my new Engineering manager asked what hours I'd be working I politely told him that he could take his OT and place it where the Sun no longer shines, after all, enough is enough.

     So hopefully the three, yes three!, weeks that I have to myself will allow me to take some steps forward and repair some of the damage the Dog has done of late. I have no firm plans though I'm hoping that the pain in my knees will ease and allow me to walk the terrible twosome in the hills as they are definitely becoming far too use to this sedentary life they're enjoying at the moment....




     I am sure that the walking will also do me some good, there is something soothing and restful that I find when walking with Mother Nature and I miss that terribly so. As for anything else? well I'll not be making any plans to be honest but just some time to myself to take stock and find some sort of direction. One thing that I will definitely not be doing though is thinking too hard about the past if I can help it, because that always screws me up and allows the dog to bite my hairy arse! I need to find my mojo, so to speak, and start looking forward instead of behind me at the misery that seems to follow me. 

     Perhaps I will find something that I've lacked for many a long time....



     Until the next time, take care....

John

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

The Dog bites....

     So once again I have found myself flirting with the Black Dog, maybe not as deep into the abyss as I have previously been but far enough to know that I'm a long way from healing. What triggered the decline this time? Well your guess is as good as mine as  now I try to stop looking for the reasons why because that search for answers has always eluded me and driven me mad when trying to explain why my mind goes into meltdowns and my actions cause so much pain. Better for all those I love that I keep my distance and my own counsel for the time being, for how can they understand when I have no way to explain myself and the demons that rule my mind in the dark days.

     I have lost much and caused so much pain to my true love I wonder at times will I ever find peace and a sense of belonging with another. It's at times like these that I cannot see a future only a past that should have been so different, for another as well as myself. I have to live with myself and the ruination that seems to follow me, sometimes it is indeed too hard to even put one foot in front of another as my mood grows dark.

     Why do I write these thoughts on these pages where tis usually humour that abounds? I guess it's because I need to say things that I can't to the ones I love, perhaps it's because I would like people to know that I'm more than words on a screen and that, if the right buttons are pushed, we can all turn our backs on goodness and love. Maybe it's because I look at myself and see nothing to be proud of? Who knows? but one thing is for certain and that is we never know what life holds for us and even the strongest may fail.

     I'm sorry if this post is not what you expect from me but we all have a story to tell. Till the next time, take care of yourselves....

John

Friday, 12 December 2014

Turning into my father......

     Bloody hell I am feeling my age of late, just been to the doctors today about my seemingly ever decaying knee joints and I end up getting tablets for the pain, tablets to stop the tablets for the pain upsetting my stomach (which I always considered as ironclad!), more blood tests from the local vampire nurse for a myriad of issues including a check up on my high cholesterol, anything underlying that may be causing my aches and pains and other stuff that my whirling mind failed to take in, and not forgetting the physiotherapy course I've been referred onto, Oh and not to mention that the kindly doctor talked to me about my depression and decided to up my dose of 'happy pills' as well, just when I thought that I was getting a handle on it....bugger!
    
      But apart from not able to have a decent nights sleep since I don't know when, my rapidly decaying joints which make every 12 hour shift at work a grind...literally you should hear them bones grating on one another, and makes walking the dogs basically impossible at the moment.... which is an absolute bastard because I cannot even get to the hills to release my mind from its whirling chaos that it seems to fall to more often of late, speaking of that which it seems to be once again heading towards the abyss and now I'm taking more tablets than the pharmacy holds in reserve, rattling as well as grinding with every step! the fact that I find myself complaining just like my dad about everything and anything...No, I'm not doing to bad at all....oh did I mention my glasses prescription has now been changed to Rose Tinted!!!!

     Just to leave you with the thought for the day.....



    Until the next time, take care Hobbits....

John


   

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Trail and error.....

Just something that has been on my mind while. A few years ago I dabbled in writing a short story and coming across some of my meanderings has made me consider of trying again. Here's a snippet of some of that earlier scribing and I was wondering if you'd be as kind as to offer an opinion on whether or not, as the case may be, it would be worth me trying to expand this story? So here it be......


"The late evening’s autumnal sun, dappled by the browning leaves of bank side willow trees, tipped the ripples of the river’s surface with its watery bronze light. The mild autumn air had not yet succumbed to the icy fingers of the year’s first frost, although if anyone had been there to taste twilight’s breath they would have been sure that old Jack would soon be dusting the ground and what few lingering leaves remained with his softly shimmering carpet of white, translucent powder. With daylight rapidly retreating many of the riverside creatures were making hasty retreats to safe havens away from the night eyed vision and keen noses of the nocturnal predators presently stirring. Soon, even the raucous calls of the rooks would be subdued by the encroaching dusk as they welcomed the last of the parliament to their sanctuary, high in the distant chestnut trees.

The smooth surface of the river belied its depth and strength for at this point in its journey it now began to widen and meander seeking the sea to which it was forever drawn. As it left the forested hills and spread onto the flat pastureland below, the river, fed by countless mountain streams and tributaries, had acquired immense and unrelenting volume and power. Only the inner banks of the meanders provided enough footholds to allow aquatic vegetation to grow dense enough to provide a place of shelter, or of ambush, for the river’s many inhabitants. Felled by high winds when its root system became exposed during the massive rain storms of some ten years ago, the great trunk of an ancient willow cut across the apex of one of the meanders. The trunk’s anchor to the abrupt bank side was now decayed and it would not be many more seasons before the river, heavy during flood, would take what remained of it to the sea. But for now the dead willow providing asylum for all manner of the river’s inhabitants, from startled shoals of fry to innumerable invertebrates, from resting water fowl to stealthy assassins, all sheltering from the river and from each other. The barren river bed and its outer curves, where the racing water made it naught but impossible for even the most tenacious of plant life to grasp a hold, where these inhospitable areas were ignored by all but the strongest and most determined of creatures. These underwater deserts offered little relief to the small, unwary or feeble, with only the occasional smoothed rock outcrop, bank side eddy or discarded piece of man made debris providing the smallest of oasis’s for those creatures ill-fated enough to be swept from stronger cover.


            Shoals of sleek Roach kissed at the surface, taking unfortunate insects which had succumbed to the faltering evening temperature, their silver flanks, touched with a hint of gold, flashing like mirrors catching the waning sun from afar as they rolled over with their catch. Several dark olive green Tench, just a little more visible than specters in the more gloomy light near the river bed, shouldered aside the thinning reads as they cruised unhurriedly out of cover to scour over the mud and detritus of the river bed. Powerful enough to ignore the rivers current they slowly made their way back and forth disturbing clouds of silt as they rummaged, nose down and powerful tail up, searching for the wealth of food just below the mud’s surface from small crustaceans and  invertebrates to decaying seeds and berries dropped from trees overhanging the river’s edge. A shoal of small perch crashed through the few lifeless remaining branches of the fallen willow intent on nothing but the swarm of fry they’d surprised moments earlier. Their sergeant major’s stripes giving them the perfect camouflage whilst they hovered in the reeds in the failing light awaiting their prey to show themselves a little too far from cover. In a few seconds the rout was over and the perch headed back to take station in the reeds near the surface, hidden once more from untrained or unwary eyes. But not all the eyes that watched this tableau of underwater events were untrained, or unwary for that matter."



     Well I'll leave it your hands, until the next time take care.

John

Thursday, 4 December 2014

A new lady in my life....

     The astute amongst you may well have noted the first line of yesterday's post, "Whilst having  a quiet moment to myself..." and wondered to yourselves what, beside the grind, could be keeping young Mr. Wooldridge so busy that a quiet moment is noteworthy? Well to tell the truth there be a new lady in my life and over the last few days we, including Bear, have been getting to know each other and spending some time away from the world as happens when these things occur. I have shied away from introducing her to the world as is it best to be sure, I feel, that relationships are indeed going to last awhile before blathering away about them to others and then feeling the fool when they fail. And it is also true that during my life over the last few years I have found myself in no position mentally to take on a new relationship without causing pain to others and myself so for me this is a huge yet unavoidable step so without further ado nor embroilment of words let me introduce you to the lady who has entered mine and Bear's life like a breath of fresh sea air, please meet Nelly......


Ta Daaaa

     Isn't she a cutie pie or what? Now to be honest I have indeed been reluctant to share in the news of the  arrival of Nelly the Elephant as for one I wasn't sure that she'd be staying with Bear n me for any length of time as she'd have to fit in with Bear and my at times nomadic lifestyle (to be honest I also have, at times, trouble enough looking after myself) and secondly I do tend these days to be more reclusive and divulge less about myself and my life, as boring as it may be. But I was perusing some of my favourite bloggers work today and a piece by my friend John Grey hit home, titled The Unwanted it may be found here, for Nelly too was unwanted so I thought that I'd share the story of how I've ended up with another four legged friend.

     Don't get me wrong, Nelly was not treated badly but she was just used for a purpose and not as a pet nor as a companion. You see Nelly was brought up by breeders for the sole purpose of introducing new blood stock into the lines, which is fine, yet as soon as she proved not fit for purpose she was put up for sale to be moved on from the only home she had known because she was no longer profitable. Yes I understand this and the need to make money, after all I grew up in the world of Greyhound racing and the atrocities that occur in that business make Nelly's plight pale into nothing really but it still didn't sit well with me when I heard about her so I made a call and arranged to go and see her along with Bear. 

     Nelly and Bear hit it off immediately and she does has a certain way of cocking her head and looking at you in such a sad and pleading way that my heart melted but my head surprisingly still ruled the day. Turns out that she's of a similar age to the Bear but has only known the kennels all her life whilst me and Bear have drifted from place to place, when she was last bred apparently she had too many pups inside of her and had to be operated upon removing them and her womb, seven out of ten pups surviving. She raised these util they were old enough to be sold and at this point she became surplus to requirements.  So should I take on a young, un-house trained bitch still recovering from just rearing her pups and a major operation was the question I faced. I asked for time to think and me and Bear left, after all could I give her the life she deserved after I have failed others in so many ways? 

     But perhaps not only would Bear have a companion whilst I'm at the grind but also maybe this could be another step on the road to my healing and making up for my past wrongs? The more I thought about Nelly the more that she seemed to have come along at the right time so a phone call later and just a few days ago the Beagle had landed. Was I right? well time will only tell though Bramble is happy with her new toy! we've only had a couple of accidents and she is surprisingly clean for a kennel dog and her arrival has given me more focus. We're not walking at the moment as Nelly has a long road to recover fully and Bear is in season so the timing is good. Hopefully, as the signs seem to be at the moment, this will be the start of a special chapter in my life and who knows, perhaps life won't be too bad after all, time will tell.

Double trouble!


Till the next time, from the three of us, thank you for reading and take care.

John




Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Changes....

      Whilst having a quiet moment to myself today I've been catching up on other far more interesting blogs than my own. As I was perusing away with gay abandon the sinking feeling that perhaps my own blog offering lacked a certain something overtook my sluggish thought process. Aha thought I, tis nought but the actual layout and colors of the whole damn thing. With a swift look at the template designer so kindly provided by Blogger and my own twee blog will be as inviting and as sought after as "a stream of Bat's piss.... a shaft of golden light when all around is dark!" (I thank e Mr. Python), after all how hard can it be?

     So now after a couple of hours changing layout, text colors and backgrounds I've ended up with....a greenish tinge to the text, bugger. I guess I'm not cut out to be the arty type after all and my stream of Bat's urine has dried up in the blazing sun of of being Mr. Average. But hey ho at least I tried, I guess that I'll have to rely upon my fabled use of the english language and cast my web of words to entice the masses of folk out there to my hallowed pages where they may be described as "a big cream tart...where there is anticipation for their arrival and once finished there is just a yearning for more", or perhaps I can just write the same old drivel as usual, bugger once more.


     Perhaps my blog will not appeal to the masses after all and I'll be destined to remain a grunt at the Fun factory until my knackered knees finally give up on the idiotic notion of supporting this rotund body of mine for good....ahh that'll be thrice bugger then. Oh well time for a bacon n egg sandwich, a large mug of tea and a sit down with Bear and let her listen to my woes in front of a blazing fire...not such a bad life after all is it?


      Thank you for taking the time to read this drivel of mine, until the next time take care.


John