The extra bits...(Under construction).

Sunday, 26 July 2015

The Black Dog .....

     Good day to you fellow scribers and peruses of the blogosphere. I must confess to have been a tad lax of late in both my scribbling on my own paltry offerings and the reading of others fine pages but, to tell truth I have been at a loss of late. Tis a hard thing to put into words when the 'dog' is circling in the shadows of your mind searching for an opportunity to bring the darkness back, dragging you down once more. Tis not that I've been totally incapacitated this time, just aware of the presence of her growling in my head, making me more thoughtful of late. Hazzy reflections of past mistakes and the guilt that they carry have been brought into sharp focus via certain events that have occurred lately and these memories have stabbed at my mind like Ahab riding the back of the great white whale.

      But I have coped far better than before and have managed to function far better than times gone by when the dog growls. Perhaps tis because I read the signs better these days and so I am more able to function and understand what is happening in my head, perhaps it is because I have the love and support of a wonderful partner in my George or perhaps it is the medication and the happy pills keeping me more grounded. Either way this time the dog has not isolated my mind from the world but she has done enough to make me with draw within myself a tad.

     I do not know why I feel the need to explain the times when the dog bares her fangs, perhaps it is just part of the healing process. Nor do I have the words that fully describe just what being accompanied by the dog is like. I just hope that on the occasions that I mention her that it helps others whom the dog haunts realise that they are not alone and that I will help you if I can.

Till the next time, take care,

John

25 comments:

  1. Nice to hear from you. It is also nice of you to explain but normally, when you are absent, I assume (rightly or wrongly) that the old black dog is once more baring her fangs. Keep going!

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  2. It's not a black dog anymore, just dark grey, keep at it and it will be light grey. All the best.

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    1. Thank you Sue, I like your way of looking at it

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  3. John, you were - and are - one of the few people who I know was truly there for me (and still are) before, through and this wobbly side of my breakdown. We live with Tracey's black dog just as you live with John's.
    Keep on, hold on. The best thing you said to me? Just hang on. And I do.
    Know that we are here for you, and when we can, we'll drink that pint of scrumpy that's been promised! X x x

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    1. Of course I am still here for you Tracy, tis what friends are for m'dear. Thank you for reminded me to hang on and it is good to know that you are there for me also. Speaking of scrumpy I'm afraid that I made none last year but this years crop off the cider trees does look promising. Oh and we're (also including the terrible twosome) booked for two whole weeks in Cornwall towards the end of September so perhaps a little gathering may be in order?

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  4. Know a little of how you are, it is the same but different for all of us whom the dog visits. Fingers crossed that she buggers off somewhere else soon. I do not thin k she will come here just now, I am too busy to be aware.

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    1. True it is different for each individual Pam, being busy truly helps.

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  5. Nice to hear from you again John ..
    I do believe that writing is somewhat a kind of relief for you. I was always told that writing was a therapeutic way of letting things go .
    I hope that everyday becomes a little easier for you.
    X Bron

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    1. Thank you Bron, yes I do believe that everyday does become a little easier but someday's are far easier than others.

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  6. I wish I had some good words but the truth is that you have to wait the damn thing out. But, you know that. The only good news might be that there are so many of us who know all about those black dogs and we're right here. Beside you in spirit.

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    1. There is truth in what you say about waiting it out Maria, but as you know sometimes the waiting is by far the hardest thing to stomach, especially upon the darker days. Thank you for taking the time to write Maria, I really do appreciate you putting that time aside for me.

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  7. I think it's good to 'talk'.. and also tries to help someone like me, who fortunately has never suffered with the problem of the black dog, to understand what you're going through. Take care

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    1. Thank you Julie, though I feel that my words come nowhere close in describing the effect that the black dog has upon myself and others cursed with her

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  8. I've been wondering how you were so t'is lovely to hear from you. I suspect George makes a world of difference. That kind of loving support and happiness and stability at home is worth its weight in gold. I do also think we're generally wiser as we get older (or so I tell myself!). Take care my friend xx

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    1. Hi CT, indeed George makes a mountain of difference and without her support since we met I firmly believe the dog would have dragged me beyond the point of no return!
      Wiser as I get older? oh I wish ;-) x

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  9. It is great to hear these days that you're able to turn the corner quicker, John. Hopefully for your path will be straighter and gentler from here on as compared to the hellish labyrinth the hell hound can lead you down. By the signs, you are gathering the needed support. Good work.

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    1. Thank you Casey my friend, life is indeed becoming easier but it is still a long process fraught with many a pitfall. Indeed a "hellish labyrinth" is a mighty fine way of describing the past few years of my life, but you are correct in that the signs are encouraging and having such support is essential to me leading a gentler life. But important also is the support from distant friends as your good self my man, and of the others who take the time to read on comment here upon my scribings, for this I am truly thankful..

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  10. I guessed that you might have been struggling a bit, John, so take care of yourself. I miss your scribings!

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    1. Thank you PP, tis getting better though.

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  11. Hello John, glad to hear you are getting steadily better. That dog is a bugger isn't it? I've been AWOL as my Mum has been very sick, it's been a scarey time, balancing awful sadness with joy as Twiglet finished first school and we attended many celebrations inbetween tearful hospital visits. Thankfully Mum is made of stern stuff and is very gradually on the mend. Here's to happier times for us all
    Twiggy x

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    1. I'll join with you in that toast Twiggy ;-) x

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  12. Just found this quote which says it all really

    R.A. Salvatore
    “Hindsight, I think, is a useless tool. We, each of us, are at a place in our lives because of innumerable circumstances, and we, each of us, have a responsibility (if we do not like where we are) to move along life's road, to find a better path if this one does not suit, or to walk happily along this one if it is indeed our life's way. Changing even the bad things that have gone before would fundamentally change who we are, and whether or not that would be a good thing, I believe, it is impossible to predict.
    So I take my past experiences... and try to regret nothing.
    -Drizzt Do'urden”

    Keep on keeping on

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    1. Definitely food for thought Annie, I will take some time and think on this, thank you for sharing and for taking the time to do so.

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  13. Just checking in John. I have more than my own fair share of of experience with Yn Moddey Doo. What I have found - at least for myself - is that over the years I have come to be able to be more conscious of when it is starting to occur. It has helped me to manage it more effectively so that it is not as crippling as it used to be - not pleasant by a long shot and certainly not something that allows me to focus on life the way I should, but at least to be able to function adequately until the ship is righted. Hopefully (it sounds like anyway) you are also making this sort of progress.

    Lhiats, TB

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