The last post?
Firstly ladies and gentlemen of the Blogosphere I would like to thank you for taking the time to read the past words written upon these pages and for your support and comments over the time the blog has been running. Over the last few months I have taken some time to reassess my life and what effects certain events or actions have had and are still having upon it, with blogging being a part of this process. As you all probably understand by now I am one of the many who suffer from depression, or the Black Dog as I have a tendency in which to refer to it, and this has made my posting and the reading of other blogs sporadic at the best of times. There are so many triggers that can send my mind into a downward spiral of which I only recognise a mere handful, of these reflection upon the past and the guilt that it causes to well up inside of me is still the hardest to deal with and one that constantly threatens to drag my state of mind to its lowest point.
As I read earlier posts on 'of Brambles and Bears' I can see some of the peaks and troughs of my state of mind but also the early posts remind me of where I was in the world no more than a couple of years ago, and reading these posts still cause so much confusion in my head and in my feelings, and there are so many 'what ifs' and 'maybes' brought forth that it becomes unbearable and affects me both mentally and physically. Coupled with this I have been receiving occasional comments, anonymously of course, from someone who obviously knows me and it seems these comments are just meant to jar my thoughts and drag me to look back again so bringing the guilt back to the fore once again. I delete these comments whenever one appears and try to ignore them but this is extremely hard to do at times, and of course I do not want the past affecting my present relationship if it can be helped.
So my knee jerk reaction to blogging at the moment is that I wish to leave it alone for awhile, maybe just until we have returned from our forthcoming break in a few weeks time or perhaps for longer, at the moment I really don't know. This also begs another question as to when/if I return to blogging will I continue here or just start anew? again I truly cannot answer this either. All I do know is that it is time for me to focus and simplify my life and try to remove or cope better with such triggers as those that affect me most adversely.
I will ask a favour before I sign off and that concerns you, the folk that read and have supported me on these pages. On a lot of your blogs your comment pages publish a comment without it being first moderated so if I was to start anew I would be reluctant to notify you via your comments section, if you see my point. With this in mind if any of your goodselves would like to read a future 'new blog' if it occurs you may leave just your name and e-mail in my comments section (it is moderated) and I will put them to one side without publishing them if the need to let you know that I am blogging elsewhere arises, of course I may just resume here but at the moment I feel that this is at best doubtful. Oh and course for an obvious reason any anons will be ignored.
Take care of yourselves and thank you once more.....