The extra bits...(Under construction).

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

The Morris Minor Chronicles II ....

     My father has a rather wonderful if a tad Anglo Saxon term of "shit and damnation!!" which is commonly used when things are not going to plan. Now being the ...ahem... reserved gentleman that I am it would take a day containing events of enormous magnitude to wrench such an exclamation from my delicate lips, well today was bloody well such a day.....

     Today I took my newly acquired and yet unnamed Morris Minor to a local garage for her mot. Now I am a realistic sort of person and the thought that my already beloved Moggie would pass inspection had not even entered my head. Indeed not, I had booked her in for the sole purpose of learning the state of her and to give me some notion of the tasks ahead, especially regarding her undercarriage. Now the bastard gentleman who had sold me the Moggie had assured me that the underside was solid with just two "little patches" required to wield and in a moment of foolishness, nay madness, I took the twat's gentleman's word for this as he seemed a 'nice guy'. Oh foolish mortal that I be for as the Moggie was lifted to the heavens upon the tester's ramps the unbearable truth became apparent.... there is more rot on her undercarriage than there be on the bleedin' Titanic!!.... yep I have been most royally shafted up my rear passage and it is still stinging as I type my rant here, shit n damnation indeed.

     Oh but the day gets better, next door but one to my garage of choice there operates a conning bastard gentleman who restores VW beetles and the like. So whilst the Moggie was still showing her all together to all and sundry I asked him to come around and give me an estimate. You know that moment when you realise that the person you are talking to is perchance talking excrement from a male bull's anus? well when he said "well I can wield but...." was my moment of enlightenment. I did do him the courtesy of letting him ramble on about specialised  equipment, parts for cars this old being "oh so terribly hard to come by" (which, by the way, happens to be complete and utter bollocks) and I even allowed him his wonderful moment of plucking a completely random price containing several zeros out of thin air before I reverted to type. The upshot of the discussion that followed was that he will not be doing any work for me "even after Hell freezes over!" his words not mine (I cannot really publish the discussion as it would be entirely made up of crossed out script on my side of it....oops).

      The past laid plans of mice and men eh? So thoroughly  disheartened I drove the Moggie home with my mind going over how I could salvage at least a little of the outlay already incurred. From stripping her down to nuts n bolts to be auctioned off bit by rusty bit to selling her as a job lot or just taking her to the scrap yard and Pontius Pilate like wash my hands of her and being done with the whole sorry episode, shit n damnation indeed! Abandoning her at what some might describe as a 'jaunty angle' on the drive, what I would rather describe as 'couldn't be arsed parking straight' I stomped into the house and promptly  sulked, bottom lip jutting out!

     It was time for some therapy thought I, so trundling off to the fair city of Deva to seek out my friend Chunky and engage him in conversation of my latest dilemma was my next move of the day. A journey well spent indeed, finding the grumpster Chunky as per usual at his motor cycle workshop the conversation was light, at times full of profanity but very black and white and as always Chunky's down to earth look upon the world helped immensely. After the expected piss take about me being duped by an old git selling bangers we discussed options including selling her, breaking her up etc. but Chunky reminded me of the reasons for my initial purchase which were to work on a project, put my stamp on it, have something at the end that was 'different' and, most importantly, have some fun. Yes I thought that the Moggie would be a rolling project, one that would be still driven whilst undergoing work to make her mine, hmmm best laid plans and all that twaddle. The task, if undertook, would be far more daunting than previously thought and over a much longer time frame before a wheel was to roll again (if ever), but if completed the rewards would be that much more fulfilling. 

     I arrived home and gazed upon the Moggie with some fairly mixed thoughts but as Chunky says if I ever managed to scrape enough money to buy another Moggie at probably twice the price I'd only be buying somebody else's failure. At least with this one it may take a bloody long time but everything done on her would be one hundred per cent spot on. Oh double bollocks, shit and bloody damnation! I may be a fool but at least a happy fool be I, so welcome home 'Rusty', now let the swearing commence.....




til the next time take care,

John

32 comments:

  1. On the bright side, you could always drive it a la Fred Flintstone and do away with the undercarriage altogether!!!!

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    1. With my knees Rach? Your having a laugh ;-)

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  2. Col says " buy yourself a MIG welder for about £150, then spend some time on You tube to teach yourself everything you need to know. Then you can spend many happy hours underneath the Morrie mending"

    Have fun!

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    1. Cheers Sue, I think I shall be taking Col's advice.

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  3. I really hope you get the critter fixed!

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    1. Me too, going to be a long haul though Simon!

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  4. John, you can do it ! Yes, you can. Go slowly think about each stage and give that car a makeover.Keep us informed of your schedule for we are right behind you :)

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    1. Thank you Mel, I shall bring her over for a visit if I ever complete the task.

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  5. Oh no! Sorry to hear about this, but think how rewarding it will be when she's eventually shiny and like new! She'll really be yours, then!

    Rusty is a good name for her, for now at least!

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    1. Thank you Jennifer, though never the intention to make her shiny....Matte black is the way to go.

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  6. Oh come on John - you can't let a lying so and so and a bit of rot beat you - you go for it, you can do it ...........you can always have a couple of new knees fitted afterwards! The name Rusty suits her too xxx

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    1. Thanks Trudie, just hope my knees are able to last long enough.

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  7. Always a risk when buying a used car unfortunately, John. That is always what worries me about going to mechanics: I somehow always feel I have to be on my guard because (by default) they see me as revenue. And Chunky sounds like the right sort of person.

    Lhiats, TB

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    1. Thank you TB, that is the problem with garages... We're just the next pay cheque

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  8. One time I bought a beat-up rust bucket. I bought with my heart rather than my head, and the car lasted six weeks before gasping its last. My mechanic's son, who eschewed any car that was not a US model fairly sneered as I related my sad little tale. His dad, who always drove Cadillacs and was honest as the day was long, told me I hadn't been taken for too much of a ride. The car WAS fixable, but would cost me more than it was worth. So, they gave me a pittance for it, and Dad undertook to repair this funny little foreign car. He didn't like having to buy metric tools for it, but he wanted to see if he could get her running, and he did.

    He decided to drive her to and from work for a while, just to see how she did. He was amazed at the wonderful gas mileage, and while he preferred much bigger cars, said he had to rethink his only US cars stance. She was a fun car to drive.

    I hope that in between your shit and damnation moments, you come away with more love for Rusty in the end.

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  9. How do you undertake a long journey? One small step at a time. Paying someone to do the work is not an option on this sort of project. Get yer tools and start taking the thing apart one bolt at a time. When you have it reduced to its smaller bits take each one as a separate task and do what you have to, to make it new. Smaller tasks, makes for less overwhelming objectives to reach. What can't be saved gets replaced. Some one a long time ago once built the thing, and there is no reason you can't rebuild it today. Keep your eyes on the goal. When you get frustrated step away and have a beer. Then go back to it with a cool head and keep making headway. It is the best medicine known to man.

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    1. Thank you Mr. Silvius for those words, wise indeed

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  10. Well, at least you found a decent name for her; Rusty sounds just fine!

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  11. "Rusty" I like that name for her ... perhaps you could just take your time and make it your own , something to do in between other projects or when your other projects are finished. . Good luck!
    Bron * *

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  12. Many years ago, we bought an old mini. It seemed fine until we had to do an emergency brake and the floor near all the pedals fell out onto the road. Luckily we got posted abroad a few months later and weren't allowed to export it so sold it for scrap. Lesson learned!

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    1. Sounds like the car from the 'Flintstones' DC ;-)

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  13. John you are very welcome to make a visit with or without the car :)

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  14. It's a shame we don't live closer John. My son would mig weld it with you and spray it. Oh yeah. Check out Shed and Buried on the Travel channel. You will like it.

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    1. Cheers Dave, in the process of selling my soul on E bay to finance a mig welder.

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  15. We have owned cars like Moggie. My conclusion was to sell and buy a Ford Mondeo. Somehow I don't think it's yours :)

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    1. It is certainly not Jenny, I am a stubborn sod if the truth be known ;-)

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